


Unbecoming

by wingedhxrmes



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-12 03:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19558639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedhxrmes/pseuds/wingedhxrmes
Summary: Percy comes back to camp for the first time in a long time and has more of a heart to heart with Nico than he was expecting.Title comes from the song Unbecoming by Starset





	Unbecoming

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so! I hope you enjoy. The idea came to me the other day and I was mulling it over to see if I wanted to follow through or not. But here's the final product, let me know what you think!

Percy crested Half Blood Hill and immediately was embraced in the warm, strawberry-scented summer air. He grinned with thoughts and memories of his home away from home. He hadn’t been back at camp for a couple years, what with his course load in New Rome and making sure everything was going alright back at home with his mom and Paul. A new baby took up way more energy than he would’ve expected and secretly Percy was grateful to not be at home 24/7 having to help take care of his little sister, no matter how much he loved her.

As he descended towards the Big House, a few campers took notice of him and gave Percy exaggerated waves and even bigger smiles as they recognized him. Percy flashed a smile at everyone he passed, more than happy to be back at Camp Half Blood.

It had been two years since Gaea’s attempt to destroy the camp and humankind in one fell swoop, but Percy could barely notice any changes outside of the obviously rebuilt and redesigned buildings. Annabeth had taken it upon herself to become Greek Architect of the Decade once things had settled down on the monster front and truly she’d outdone herself. Newly spruced up cabins and shrines shone in the valley. Hestia’s hearth cast a warm glow on everything, despite it being the middle of the day.

Stopping in at Cabin Three to drop off his belongings, Percy breathed in the salty air that wafted through the cabin. He ran his hand along the rim of the fountain and dipped the tips of his fingers into the cool water with a silent prayer to his dad. _Thanks for not letting me die just yet, I guess. I know that’s not really under your control but still. Thanks_.

A knock on the cabin door shook Percy out of his slight trance and he almost stumbled into the fountain. “Yeah? It’s open,” he called out, shaking his hand dry from the fountain’s water. The door creaked open, shadows seeming to darken as the son of Hades poked his head around the corner.

Nico had grown since Percy had last seen him after the battle against Gaea. His dark hair still hung over his eyes and he was dressed in a long sleeved black shirt over dark skinny jeans, even in the summer heat. “I heard you were back at camp,” Nico said with a slight scowl. There was nearly always a scowl there, Percy recalled.

“Yeah, I finally got some free time and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to check up on everyone. Someone needs to keep this place in line,” Percy grinned. Nico didn’t return it, although the son of Poseidon almost caught the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Also how in the gods’ names are you still wearing that? It’s the dead of summer and you’re in all black like some sort of 2009 scene kid.” Percy flapped his hand at Nico’s outfit as he spoke.

“What? Have you ever known me _not_ to be in all black? It’s basically my brand at this point.” Nico tugged at the ends of his sleeves as if to make sure they wouldn’t pull up at all. Percy cocked his head but didn’t say anything.

“Well, yeah, but still it’s like, 90 degrees out there. You’re gonna roast. I would say you could get a tan but I don’t think that’s even possible with your, uh. Complexion?”

“I’m not dead, Percy,” Nico gave a half-hearted glare through his bangs. “I’m just. Not _not_ dead.”

“Glad to hear it then!” Percy made his way over to the bed and sank down with his back against the wall. He patted the sheets next to him and grinned up at the other boy. “Come on over, make yourself at home. I haven’t seen you since, well, you know. After the whole Gaea fiasco. And I’d like to hear how things have been!”

Nico shuffled back and forth on his feet with his arms crossed over his chest. “I’m fine. Things are good. I’m with Will now. Since I’m over you and have been ever since…” he trailed off and glanced over at Percy, whose eyebrows were practically in his hairline.

“Will? Solace? Apollo kid?” he sputtered. He leaned forward to grab Nico’s wrist, fingers sliding underneath his sleeve and grazing across the raised skin of scar tissue. “Tell me every-- Hold up. Nico, what happened?” Percy pulled Nico closer and started to push up his sleeve. The younger boy’s face went even whiter as he tried to yank his arm free.

“It’s nothing. Just a monster. Don’t worry about it,” Nico protested shakily, unsuccessful at pulling out of Percy’s iron grip. “I told you, I’m fine.”  
  
Percy pushed the sleeve up to Nico’s elbow, eyes welling up at the rows of scars on his forearm. Quickly, he did the same to the other arm. “Nico, I…” He didn’t recognize this as the work of any monster he’d ever seen. No, it was becoming clearer what had truly happened. “Did… Did you do this? Nico, why? I--” Percy’s voice cracked and he looked up, trying to hold the other boy’s gaze.

Finally pulling his arms free, Nico shoved his sleeves back down to cover his skin. “You wouldn’t understand,” he spat. “You never did. You weren’t there.” His eyes went misty as he remembered what Cupid had made him do. Jason had been there, no one else. “I hated myself, Percy. I hated myself for years before Diocletian’s Palace and I still do. It doesn’t go away just by saying it out loud. Jason, he…” Nico’s voice wavered and he took a shuddering breath as he tried to rein himself back in. The darkness growing around him wasn't making Percy feel any better about the situation. “Jason had nice words. It didn’t fix my problem. I was alone and he didn’t understand. No one does.”

Percy was speechless. He reached out for Nico’s hand, but he pulled away, backing himself up against the opposite wall. He was hurting and there wasn’t anything Percy could do about it, nothing he could say. “Nico, that wasn’t the answer. You‘ve seen what happens to souls who commit suicide. We loved you, we still love you! You being gay never changed that and it never will!”

“Then where were you?” Nico shouted back. “You. Weren’t. There! I was going through hell. I shadow travelled back from Europe and I almost died because of it. Where were you, Percy Jackson? Off saving the world. _Again_ . I was here, in the infirmary, alone. I was already fading into shadow. What difference would it have made if I just faded away entirely?” Tears began to stream down his face, leaving dark stains on his skin. “I was so close, Percy, _so close_. I was in my bed bleeding out, wishing to be saved by the boy I idolized and looked up to and loved, but you weren’t there. If it hadn’t been for Will, I… I wouldn’t be here.”

“Nico, I didn’t know! I would have been there if I could. I couldn’t exactly drop everything at the time, you know that.” But then, that was a lie and they both knew it. _To save a friend, you would sacrifice the world_. That is what Athena had told him, years and years before. And Percy and Nico both knew it.

“You would have,” Nico whispered. His gaze dropped to the floor. “You would have. You should have. But you didn’t.” With that, Nico turned and left, slamming the door to Cabin Three behind him.

Percy slumped down against his bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering if he could have even saved Nico. Will Solace had done what the heroic Percy Jackson couldn't. He had saved Nico when Percy didn't even have a clue that something was wrong. No wonder Nico was with Will. No wonder he had dropped out of contact so suddenly. Percy’s eyes welled up again as he lay there, tears streaming down his face while his fountain burbled in the corner.


End file.
